Die, Heretic Scum!

From Emo Phillips:

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said “Stop! don”t do it!” “Why shouldn”t I?” he said.

I said, “Well, there’’s so much to live for!” He said, “Like what?”

I said, “Well…are you religious or atheist?” He said, “Religious.”

I said, “Me too! Are you christian or buddhist?” He said, “Christian.”

I said, “Me too! Are you catholic or protestant?” He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me too! Are you episcopalian or baptist?”

He said, “Baptist!” I said,”Wow! Me too! Are you baptist church of god or baptist church of the lord?” He said, “Baptist church of god!”

I said, “Me too! Are you original baptist church of god, or are you reformed baptist church of god?” He said,”Reformed Baptist church of god!”

I said, “Me too! Are you reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1879, or reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1915?” He said, “Reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1915!”

I said, “Die, heretic scum”, and pushed him off.

Anyone Know What This Is?

Ticket 2, originally uploaded by Little Vegan Yang.

This is me blowing through a red light on a crisp winter day. I know this because our lovely city and it's light-mounted video cameras that we pay for with our tax money took just wonderful memento video and still shots of the occasion. They're so clear and well done that I'm going to pay our city one hundred dollars for the good copies they sent. Thanks, city. Your keen camera-work and money-grubbing ways have not only made me poorer, pissed me, my fiance, and especially my future mother-in-law off, but you've also given me a recorded vision that I will forevermore cherish.

ShamFunny

Over at the Smokinggun.com, they've released the police report related to the shamwow guy. Apparently, he shambeat that ass on some hooker that bit his tongue in his hotel room. I can hear it now, "ShamBitch! How shamdare you shambite my tongue! Shamslap!!!!!" It's a wonderful time to be alive.

WTF Indeed

From wtf site, pictureisunrelated.com: I agree. WTF?

Now, exactly what is that thing sticking up from dude's crotch? Someone tell me. Please.

Drunk Apes or "How College and The Animal Kingdom Aren't So different"

This is a picture of a drunk monkey (shut up, I know they're apes.  Monkey just sounds funnier).  And I mean DRUNK monkey.  This article in the Daily Mail explores a peculiar practice of some gorillas of getting all manner of fucked up on the alcohol contained within a certain type of plant, acting goofy and even getting bad hangovers.

Sadly, I have an ample amount of photos at home from my college days that are virtually indistinguishable from these photos taken in the jungles of Rwanda.

Yes, In Alabama, We Are THAT Stupid

From the Huffington Post:

BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — The actor best known as "Borat" tricked the Alabama National Guard into allowing him onto a post, giving him a military uniform and briefly letting him train _ all, supposedly, for a German TV documentary

The worst part? It was the SECOND time it had happened! Oh how I miss my sweet home Alabama. Read the rest of this Alabama tardness here.

The Most Awesome Music Video Ever Made (It Is A Delight)

My Freshman Dorm Room....Awe Yeah

1st Dorm, originally uploaded by Little Vegan Yang.

You gotta love the stripped down nature of the freshman dorm room. Way back in the day. Notes of interest: Rocking the Smashing Pumpkins, James, and Chainsaw Kittens on the closet door. What room would be complete without a microwave and mini fridge? Of course, the boglin is still with me to this day now adorning the bookcase. On top of the boglin, not the ORIGINAL hat. Very hippy, I know (actually, it was the second). Note the cassettes by the microwave (as I didn't have a cd player yet and mp3's were likely still a reference to a Star Wars character). Also, on the very edge, you can see some of my yearly door collage, a yearly project of snippets from magazines that grew over the year. Ah, them was the days.

Some Things....I Think.... Are....Just That Goddamn Funny

From the Smoking Gun:

MARCH 18--Meet Michelle Owen. Concerned that an ex-boyfriend had used her laptop to search for child pornography, the Indiana woman asked police to search the computer for illegal images, but had her plan backfire when cops discovered two videos of her engaged in illicit acts with a dog. Owen, 24, was charged last week with two felony bestiality counts in connection with the video files, which a detective found in the laptop's "recycle bin." At the time Owen asked cops to search the computer, she was locked up in the Johnson County Jail on a public intoxication charge (which violated the terms of her release in a prior drunk driving case). According to a police affidavit, a copy of which you'll find here, a cop told Owen that he had found videos of her on the laptop and asked if she "knew what those files might be." Owen, pictured in the below mug shot, replied, "The one with the dog." Cops believe that the dog in question, Toby, is a beagle. After asking if she was "going to be charged with this," Owen said that the videos "were just something she did when she was drunk and barely remembers it," adding that she tried to "delete them the next day when she was sober."

Check out the face of this dog seductress here.

Is It Any Wonder That This Is The Highest Rated Show On a Network For Computer Geeks?

Does Anyone Else Do This?

Whenever I'm looking to see if I'll like a product, book, movie or whatever before I buy it, I always read reviews of said product on some webpage like Amazon.com.  I wonder if everyone else reads the reviews like I do.  I always read the lowest rated reviews first if not only when looking at reviews.  On Amazon, I might actually read a two star review every once in a while, but I usually stick to the 1 stars.

Why?  It's simple.  I assume people will like a product for a variety of reasons, none of which necessarilly have anything to do with the merits of the product.  But people often get pretty specific with their hatreds.

With books, sometimes they just hate the author, but often there are those people that try to completely tear down a work page by page.  I find this useful, as it's very easy to get blinded by the arguments going on in a book or movie if you're focused on only the information provided to you by the author/director/etc.  This is especially true when reading wonkish material on any given subject.  How the hell am I supposed to know that some guy's listing of intricate physics was way off the mark?  But a reviewer that is skilled in physics that spots such egregious errors can better inform me.  That's a far cry from one in a long line of uncritical douches that gush over a work.

 I've done a couple of reviews of books I've read for amazon, and they were both high ratings.  I noted at the end, that someone wondering whether or not to read the book would likely not get much out of it other than the thought that they might like it, but then, they probably already thought that they might like it since they decided to look at reviews.

Finally, one advantage to paying attention to the negative reviews is that you can often suss out what's a good work by the douche commentary of the preponderance of negative reviews.  If all the negative reviews seems to be coming from knuckledragging douchenozzles, then you can safely bet it might well be something you're into.

My only question is how many other people out there do the same thing.  I suspect the percentage is quite high.